ActionCOACH Southern Indiana

Respect: Give it to Get it

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Success = RESPECT

Hello Friends – it’s good to be back with you again to share an experience I had during a coaching session this past week. During that session my client made a comment that struck me as odd. He said he’d been giving away additional product to appease customers who were seemingly upset with the time it took to receive their original orders. Now that may not seem odd to you, but my question to him was, “Are these people really upset, or are you consciously ‘losing’ so they ‘win’?” As you can imagine my client was a little confused so, I shared the following concept with him.

The Living Style Matrix

You may be wondering what the Living Style Matrix, (‘LSM’), is as well, so let me jump right in. At the fundamental level, the LSM comes down to one word – RESPECT, and not only the respect have we for others, but the respect we have for ourselves. How would you rate your level of self-respect on a scale from 1 to 10? Got your number? Okay, keep that number in mind as you read on.

I’m Not OK, You‘re OK

When you have low self-respect, but have high respect for others, you fall into this part of the matrix. Basically you feel that you have to lose in order for others to win. You may find yourself being passive with the individual you have high respect for, and you might make illogical decisions that have a negative impact on you and your business, just to make the other person feel better.

I’m OK, You’re Not OK

Conversely, if you have high self-respect, but have low respect for others, you have to win (at all costs) and they have to lose. When you find yourself in this mindset you become aggressive with those individuals that you have low respect for. Think of a time when you’ve felt like this and what the impact was on the other person. Yes, you won the negotiation, but what was the long term cost of doing so?

I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK

This is the worst quadrant of the LSM to be in. You have low self-respect and have low respect for others. Imagine living a life where you held yourself and everyone else with such low regard. What impact does this mindset have on you personally and professionally?  Would you aspire to reach new heights? Probably not, right? You might be really dissatisfied, but have no vision and therefore you are resistant to taking the first steps to make real lasting change.

I’m OK, You’re OK

This is the quadrant that everyone aspires to reach. When you have high self-respect and have high respect for others you are in the ‘Win-Win’ zone. Having high respect all the way around allows you to be assertive in your personal and professional lives, which means you are willing to have the hard conversations, make the tough choices, and take the risks that often lead to bigger rewards. In this zone, you look for ways to collaborate that benefit both parties involved. Imagine the impact this living style would have on you personally and professionally.  

No matter where you fall in the LSM, the good news is you can always work on improving. Next time you’re in a situation and getting ready to take action, stop and think, what’s my mentality? Is it ‘win-win’ or something less than that?

Comment below on where you are in the living style matrix, and if you’re not where you want to be, what are you going to change to get there?  We look forward to reading your comments…

Author: Drew Schwegman, Northern Kentucky Business Coach